Co-Parenting During the Holidays: Tips for a Peaceful Season

8 August 2025

Ah, the holidays. That magical time of year when joy, laughter, and... co-parenting calendars collide? Yep, welcome to the festive rollercoaster of blended family logistics. If you're navigating co-parenting during the holidays, grab your hot cocoa (extra marshmallows, please) and settle in—we're diving into how to keep things merry, bright, and relatively drama-free.

Because let’s be honest, the only thing that should be frosty this season is the snow.

The Holiday Hustle Is Real

Once upon a time, you probably imagined holidays as cozy, mistletoe-filled scenes straight out of a Hallmark movie. Fast forward to now, and you might feel more like you're stuck in a rom-com gone rogue—cue the frantic texting, schedule negotiations, and trying not to lose it in the school parking lot.

But here's the good news: it doesn't have to be a holiday horror show. With the right mindset, a sprinkle of patience, and some clever planning, you can rock the co-parenting game—even when tensions rise like the thermometer on Grandma’s oven.

Let’s unwrap these tips, shall we?

🎄 1. Start Planning Early (Like... Before Halloween)

If you're reading this on December 20, bless your heart. But ideally, coordination should start early—think spooky season early. Halloween may come with costumes, but December? It comes with calendars, schedules, and sometimes, compromise.

Why so early?

Because waiting until December is like trying to buy the hottest toy on Christmas Eve—stressful and likely to end in tears (yours and the kids’). Early planning gives everyone time to adjust, respond, and agree before sleigh bells start ringing.

Pro tip: Use a shared online calendar or co-parenting app to avoid the dreaded “You never told me that!” conversation.

🎁 2. Focus on What Matters (Hint: It’s the Kids)

It's easy to get stuck on fairness. “I had them last Christmas Eve!” “But your mom already had Thanksgiving!” Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing: kids don’t care about who spent more time; they care about memories, love, and whether Santa gets cookies at both houses. When you approach the holidays with the kids’ happiness as your North Star, it’s easier to let go of the keeping-score mentality.

Ask yourself: “Will this matter to the kids five years from now?” If the answer’s no, breathe, release, and move on.

🎅 3. Embrace Two Christmases (It’s Not a Bad Thing!)

Some parents feel heartbroken that their child won’t wake up under their roof on December 25. Totally valid. But let’s reframe that: your kid gets two Christmases. Two trees, two stockings, and possibly two servings of cinnamon rolls. Honestly, where do we sign up?

If you and your co-parent can’t divide the actual day, try alternating years or splitting the break in half. One house gets Christmas Eve and morning, the other gets the afternoon and dinner. Boom, both win.

Bonus: Kids love having double the magic. And when handled with grace, they’ll remember the love, not the logistics.

🎉 4. Create New Traditions

Let’s be real: some old traditions might not make the cut post-divorce. But don’t mourn them—make new ones instead. Start a tradition of building gingerbread houses wearing ugly holiday sweaters. Or binge cheesy holiday movies with matching pajamas and popcorn.

Traditions don’t have to be elaborate; they just need to be meaningful. And creating your own unique experiences gives your kids something to look forward to that’s yours.

✨ 5. Communicate Like Elves on a Mission

Okay, maybe you don’t need to start sending messages in rhyming couplets like Santa’s workshop dispatches—but communication is key. If you and your ex communicate like feral cats in a burlap sack, consider neutral tools like email, co-parenting apps, or texting with emojis to lighten the tone. (Yes, even that snowflake emoji can soften a tough message.)

Keep it clear, concise, and focused on the children. No need to throw in that passive-aggressive, “Just like last year when you ruined Christmas.” Let’s leave that in the past—along with fruitcake.

⭐ 6. Keep Kids Out of the Middle

Repeat after me: “I will not make my child the holiday messenger.” It’s tempting (they’re right there, after all), but no child wants to be the go-between in a parental tug-of-war. Asking them to deliver messages, make choices between parents, or report back details is not only unfair but emotionally messy.

Instead, handle adult conversations like adults (even if you don’t always feel like one). Give your kid the gift of holiday joy—not stress.

🍪 7. Be Flexible—Like a Gumdrop-Filled Yoga Mat

Yes, have a plan. But also, leave space for flexibility. Flights get delayed, kids get sick, and sometimes things just don’t go according to plan (hello, 2020). Being rigid can turn a small hiccup into a full-blown holiday meltdown.

If your ex needs to swap days last-minute or a blizzard shuts down travel, lead with grace. Modeling flexibility teaches your kids resilience—and they’ll remember how you handled it way more than why it happened.

🔄 8. Avoid the Comparison Trap

We get it. Social media turns everyone’s Christmas morning into a curated photo shoot. But just because your cousin’s stepfamily looks like a J. Crew catalog doesn’t mean your holiday is any less special.

Don’t compare your co-parenting situation to others’. No two families are the same, and what works for one may flop for another. Focus on creating love-filled memories with what you’ve got—dog hair, mismatched pajamas, and all.

🥂 9. Practice Some Self-Care (Yes, You Too)

You can’t pour from an empty mug of eggnog, friend. Co-parenting during the holidays can be exhausting, emotionally charged, and sometimes lonely. Take care of yourself, too.

Schedule time for things that bring YOU joy: a long bath, a yoga class, a Friends marathon with pizza. Give yourself permission to feel all the feelings—and then let them go like a balloon at the New Year’s countdown.

Remember: happy parent, happy kid. It’s science.

🌟 10. Keep the Big Picture in Mind

Will this year’s hiccup be remembered in 2040? Probably not. Kids remember how they felt—not the perfect roast or the exact schedule. Co-parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re not aiming for perfection; you’re aiming for peace, love, and maybe a few laughs along the way.

So try not to sweat the small stuff. Focus on nurturing your relationship with your child, building happy memories, and keeping your sanity intact. (Okay, maybe mostly intact.)

💡 Bonus Tip: When in Doubt, Choose Kindness

Even if your co-parent seems to have skipped the eggnog and gone straight for the Grinch vibes, don’t match their energy. Kindness is your superpower. It sets the tone, models empathy for your kids, and makes it that much easier for the holidays to be what they should be—beautiful, chaotic, love-filled days to cherish.

Who knows? One day, you might even laugh about that year the turkey caught fire, the power went out, and your kid proudly served cereal for Christmas dinner.

Actually, scratch that—you’ll definitely laugh.

Final Pep Talk 🎤

Co-parenting during the holidays isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence.

Even with two homes, complex schedules, and occasional miscommunication, your kids can still feel the magic. With a little grace, a lot of communication, and a shared commitment to putting your children first, you can turn what feels overwhelming into something wonderful.

Stay calm. Be kind. Hug your kids. And don’t forget to sneak a cookie for yourself when no one’s looking.

Happy Holidays to you and yours—no matter whose house you're at.