Dealing With School Anxiety: Conversations That Matter

17 February 2026

School anxiety is more common than you might think. Many kids dread going to school—not because they dislike learning, but because of overwhelming stress, fear, or social pressure. As parents, it’s tough to watch your child struggle with anxiety, especially when they can’t always put their worries into words.

So, how do we help? The key lies in meaningful conversations. Talking openly with your child about their fears can reassure them that they’re not alone. In this article, we’ll dive into why school anxiety happens, how to recognize it, and—most importantly—how to have those critical conversations that can make all the difference.

Understanding School Anxiety: What’s Going On?

Anxiety isn’t just "being a little nervous." It’s a deeper feeling of unease that can make everyday tasks feel impossible. When it comes to school, kids might worry about things like:

- Social situations – “What if no one sits with me?”
- Academic pressure – “What if I fail the test?”
- Separation anxiety – “What if something happens to my parents while I’m at school?”
- Bullying – “What if they make fun of me again?”

For some kids, these worries fade quickly. But for others, they linger and grow, making school feel like an uphill battle every single day.

Signs Your Child May Be Struggling

Not all children will openly say, “I have anxiety.” Instead, it often shows up in other ways. Look out for these signs:

Physical Symptoms

- Complaints of stomachaches or headaches (especially before school)
- Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Loss of appetite or overeating

Emotional/Behavioral Signs

- Sudden outbursts, crying, or irritability
- Avoiding school-related conversations
- Clinginess or refusing to go to school
- Difficulty concentrating on homework

Anxiety can be sneaky. Sometimes, what looks like defiance (“I don’t want to go to school!”) is really fear in disguise. Recognizing these signs is the first step. The next? Talking about it.

Conversations That Matter: How to Talk About School Anxiety

Starting the conversation is often the hardest part. You don’t want to put words in their mouth, but you also don’t want to ignore their distress. Here’s how you can approach it:

1. Create a Safe Space

Your child needs to feel safe before they open up. Choose a quiet, relaxed moment—maybe during a car ride or bedtime—when they’ll feel more comfortable talking.

Instead of asking,
👉 “Why don’t you like school?”

Try:
👉 “I’ve noticed you’ve been quiet about school lately. Is something bothering you?”

This keeps the conversation open-ended, giving them the freedom to share as much or as little as they’re comfortable with.

2. Listen Without Interrupting

Sometimes, as parents, we rush to fix the problem before fully hearing them out. Instead of jumping in with solutions, let them express themselves.

If they say:
👉 “I hate school. It makes me feel sick.”

Try responding with:
👉 “That sounds really tough. Can you tell me what part of school feels hardest?”

This reassures them that their feelings are valid and that you’re there to support them—not just “fix” them.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Kids need to feel heard. If they say they’re scared of speaking in class, avoid dismissing it with:
🚫 “Oh, you’ll get used to it!”

Instead, try:
✅ “I totally get that! Speaking in front of people can be nerve-wracking. Let’s figure out a way to make it easier.”

This normalizes their emotions and encourages problem-solving.

4. Help Them Reframe Their Thoughts

Anxiety often stems from negative thinking. If your child constantly worries about failing a test, help them reframe their mindset.

Instead of:
🚫 “I just know I'm going to fail!”

Encourage:
✅ “You’ve studied really hard. Even if it feels tough, you’re doing your best—and that counts.”

This helps shift their mindset from fear to confidence.

5. Offer Practical Coping Strategies

Once your child opens up, talk about ways to manage their anxiety. Some helpful techniques include:

- Breathing exercises – Taking slow, deep breaths helps calm the nervous system.
- Visualization – Encourage them to picture a "happy place" they can mentally escape to during stressful moments.
- Small goals – Instead of thinking, “I have to survive the whole school day,” break it down: “Let’s focus on getting through just the first class.”
- Morning affirmations – Simple phrases like “I am brave,” or “I am capable,” can set a positive tone for the day.

Teaching these little tools makes a big impact over time.

When to Seek Professional Help

If anxiety starts interfering with your child’s ability to function—if they’re refusing to go to school, struggling with daily tasks, or showing physical symptoms regularly—it might be time to talk to a professional.

School counselors, therapists, or child psychologists can provide extra support through therapy, coping techniques, and sometimes even treatment plans if needed. Seeking help isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of taking action.

Supporting Your Child Through the Journey

Dealing with school anxiety isn’t about “fixing” your child—it’s about walking alongside them. Be patient, be present, and remind them they are not alone.

Every child handles anxiety differently. Some need reassurance, others need coping strategies, and some may need extra support from a professional. The most important thing? Keep the conversation going. Keep reminding them that their feelings are real, their worries are valid, and they are deeply loved.

After all, childhood should be about learning, growing, and experiencing joy—not being consumed by fear. And as parents, we have the power to help them find their way through it.