The Role of Adoptive Grandparents: How to Involve Family in the Journey

7 December 2025

Let’s be real—parenting is a ride. And if you happen to be navigating the wonderful world of adoption, that ride can feel like a roller coaster with unexpected twists, turns, and loop-the-loops. But you know what makes that journey a whole lot sweeter? Grandparents. Yep, whether it’s potty training pep talks or those spontaneous cookie-baking afternoons, grandparents add a sprinkle of magic to any childhood.

Now, when it comes to adoption, the role of grandparents can feel a little fuzzy. They might wonder: Where do I fit in? How can I bond with a child who wasn’t born into our family? If you’re an adoptive parent—or a soon-to-be one—you’re probably wondering how to bring your own parents into this new chapter in a way that feels natural, loving, and supportive.

Fear not! We’re diving deep into the role of adoptive grandparents and how you can create a tribe that wraps your child in love, acceptance, and a few too many holiday sweaters.

Why Adoptive Grandparents Matter More Than You Might Think

Picture this: It’s your child’s school play. They’re a dancing tree (the most enthusiastic dancing tree ever, by the way). You’re in the front row, phone in hand, beaming with pride. Right beside you? Your mom and dad, clapping like there’s no tomorrow.

That presence? That support? It's everything.

Adoptive grandparents play a crucial part in a child's development. They’re not just bonus babysitters or ice cream treat givers (although, hey, those perks don’t hurt). They’re emotional anchors, memory-makers, and role models. Their involvement sends one very powerful message: You are family. You belong.

The First Step: Educating and Including Grandparents From Day One

Here’s the thing—just like you needed time to wrap your head around adoption, your parents might, too. They may have questions, uncertainties, or even misconceptions (hello, outdated TV shows that made adoption look like some mysterious secret society 😅).

So, talk to them.

Yep, it’s that simple. Keep them in the loop throughout the adoption process. Share what you’re learning. Explain the terminology (closed vs. open adoption, transracial adoption, etc.). Invite them to pre-adoption classes if that’s an option.

💡 Pro Tip: Encourage open and honest conversations. Ask how they feel, what concerns they have, and what support they might need. Remind them—this is a family journey, not a solo trek.

Making Space for Bonding: Create Opportunities to Connect

Ever tried holding a baby kangaroo for the first time? It's cute, but also a little awkward. That’s kind of how it can feel for grandparents meeting their new grandchild—especially if the child is older or comes from a background that’s different from theirs.

But connection takes time—and intention.

Here are some easy-yet-effective ways for adoptive grandparents to build bonds:

1. Start With Shared Activities

Kids bond through doing, not talking. Encourage grandparents to:

- Take the child on nature walks
- Bake cookies together
- Build LEGO towers (and maybe knock them down too!)
- Read bedtime stories

The key? Keep it light and consistent.

2. Celebrate Adoption Milestones Together

Don’t let adoption day be just another Tuesday. Make it a family holiday! Whether it’s bringing out a special cake or decorating the house, find fun ways for grandparents to participate in celebrating family milestones.

3. Let Them Share Family Stories and Traditions

A child who’s adopted might wonder where they fit into this big, beautiful family narrative. Grandparents can help paint that picture. Old photos, silly stories, family recipes—these are golden threads that weave a child into their new family fabric.

When It’s Not Perfect: Navigating Doubt and Discomfort

Okay, time for some real talk. Not all grandparents jump into the adoptive role with pom-poms and matching T-shirts. Some may struggle with the idea, especially if they’re unfamiliar with adoption or carry generational views that don’t quite align with modern family dynamics.

First off, that’s normal. Discomfort doesn’t mean rejection—it often just means unfamiliar territory.

Here’s how to lovingly guide those rocky moments:

Be Patient

Change takes time. Just as your child needs to adjust, grandparents do too. Don’t expect instant connection. Let things evolve organically.

Set Boundaries

If you hear comments like “When are you having your own child?” or “She doesn’t look like one of us,” nip that in the bud gently but firmly. Educate with kindness, but advocate for your child with strength.

Reinforce Inclusion

Send grandparents your child’s artwork. Ask them to babysit. Invite them to school events. The more included they feel, the more natural their involvement becomes.

Transracial and International Adoption: Special Considerations for Grandparents

When your child comes from a different culture or race, the need for proactive grandparent involvement becomes even more crucial. This isn't just about love—it's also about learning.

Encourage grandparents to:

- Read books about your child’s culture
- Attend cultural events or festivals
- Celebrate different holidays together
- Keep an open mind and an open heart

This kind of effort doesn’t just help your child feel seen—it teaches them (and you!) what true inclusivity looks like.

A Grandparent’s Role in Open Adoption

Got an open adoption arrangement? That can raise even more questions: “Do we call the birth mom Grandma too?” “Will it confuse the child?”

These concerns are valid, but again—communication is your superhero cape here.

Let grandparents know:

- Open adoption doesn’t dilute their role.
- It’s not a competition—it’s a collaboration for the child’s well-being.
- Kids can handle more complex family setups than we give them credit for.

In fact, the more people loving a child, the better, right? A grandparent’s role remains steady and strong—they’re one of the child’s emotional safe harbors, no matter how wide the family circle gets.

Creating Lasting Memories Together

Let’s be honest—grandparents are experts at turning ordinary days into core memories. So, let them shine! Adoption doesn’t change what they do best.

Here are just a few fun ways to create lasting memories:

- Grandparent Sleepovers (yes, even if it means staying up to watch old musicals)
- Holiday Crafts (nothing says “I love you” like glitter on the carpet)
- Handwritten Letters (especially meaningful if you live far apart)
- Family Recipe Books (a perfect blend of heritage and new beginnings)

The goal? Make the child feel like they’ve always been part of this crazy, loving bunch.

Words of Wisdom from Seasoned Adoptive Grandparents

We reached out to some adoptive grandparents and here’s what they had to say:

> “At first, I didn’t know what to expect. But the moment I saw my granddaughter, I knew she was mine. She didn’t grow in our family tree the traditional way—but she’s a branch we didn’t know we were missing.” — Linda, proud grandma of two

> “It’s not about biology. It’s about bedtime stories, soccer games, and Sunday pancakes. That’s what makes a family.” — Jorge, retired grandpa and full-time superhero

Final Thoughts: There’s No “Right” Way, Just the Loving Way

If there’s one thing we know about family, it’s this: it’s built on love, not labels. And adoptive grandparents, whether they're navigating new roles with confidence or caution, have something deeply important to offer—a sense of legacy, belonging, and unconditional love.

So, invite them in. Keep the door wide open. Let this journey be one they walk alongside you.

Because when it comes to raising a child, it really does take a village—and grandparents are the wise, cookie-baking, always-there kind of villagers we all need.